Winter spices :3

Smells like Mr Miller :')

How many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that
matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? And how
many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them
for making you feel like your pain doesn't have any substance after all?

Like when you've split up with someone, and you try to communicate the
way you feel, because you need to say the words, need to feel that
somebody understands just how pissed off and frightened you feel. The
problem is, they never do. "Plenty more fish in the sea," they'll say,
or "You're better off without them," or "Do you want some of these
potato chips?" They never really understand, because they haven't been
there, every day, every hour. They don't know the way things have
been, the way that it's made you, the way it has structured your
world. They'll never realise that someone who makes you feel bad may
be the person you need most in the world. They don't understand the
history, the background, don't know the pillars of memory that hold
you up. Ultimately, they don't know you well enough, and they never
can. Everyone's alone in their world, because everybody's life is
different. You can send people letters, and show them photos, but they
can never come to visit where you live.

Unless you love them. And then they can burn it down.

-- Michael Marshall Smith, Only Forward

not the best composition ever,
but meaningful because it happened to her.
it's beautiful because of that :)


“Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids don't. Sure, Justin had qualified for his Junior de Sade Badge in his teaching methods for dealing with pain. We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.

Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - gradutaing, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expecations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.”

― Jim Butcher