Sum

"In the afterlife you relive all your experiences, but this time with the events reshuffled into a new order: all the moments that share a quality are grouped together.

You spend two months driving the street in front of your house, seven months having sex. You sleep for thirty years without opening your eyes. For five months straight you flip through magazines while sitting on a toilet.

You take all your pain at once, all twenty-seven intense hours of it. Bones break, cars crash, skin is cut, babies are born. Once you make it through, it's agony-free for the rest of your afterlife.

But that doesn't mean it's always pleasant. You spend six days clipping your nails. Fifteen months looking for lost items. Eighteen months waiting in line. Two years of boredom: staring out a bus window, sitting in an airport terminal. One year reading books. Your eyes hurt, and you itch, because you can't take a shower until it's your time to take your marathon two-hundred-day shower. Two weeks wondering what happens when you die. One minute realizing your body is falling. Seventy-seven hours of confusion. One hour realizing you've forgotten someone's name. Three weeks realizing you are wrong. Two days lying. Six weeks waiting for a green light. Seven hours vomiting. Fourteen minutes experiencing pure joy. Three months doing laundry. Fifteen hours writing your signature. Two days tying shoelaces. Sixty-seven days of heartbreak. Five weeks driving lost. Three days calculating restaurant tips. Fifty-one days deciding what to wear. Nine days pretending you know what is being talked about. Two weeks counting money. Eighteen days staring into the refrigerator. Thirty-four days longing. Six months watching commercials. Four weeks sitting in thought, wondering if there is something better you could be doing with your time. Three years swallowing food. Five days working buttons and zippers. Four minutes wondering what your life would be like if you reshuffled the order of events. In this part of the afterlife, you imagine something analogous to your Earthly life, and the thought is blissful: a life where episodes are split into tiny swallowable pieces, where moments do not endure, where one experiences the joy of jumping from one event to the next like a child hopping from spot to spot on the burning sand."

-- David Eagleman, Sum: Forty tales from the afterlives

Thank you for lending this to me :)

you are truly the world's greatest!

Winter spices :3

Smells like Mr Miller :')

How many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that
matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? And how
many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them
for making you feel like your pain doesn't have any substance after all?

Like when you've split up with someone, and you try to communicate the
way you feel, because you need to say the words, need to feel that
somebody understands just how pissed off and frightened you feel. The
problem is, they never do. "Plenty more fish in the sea," they'll say,
or "You're better off without them," or "Do you want some of these
potato chips?" They never really understand, because they haven't been
there, every day, every hour. They don't know the way things have
been, the way that it's made you, the way it has structured your
world. They'll never realise that someone who makes you feel bad may
be the person you need most in the world. They don't understand the
history, the background, don't know the pillars of memory that hold
you up. Ultimately, they don't know you well enough, and they never
can. Everyone's alone in their world, because everybody's life is
different. You can send people letters, and show them photos, but they
can never come to visit where you live.

Unless you love them. And then they can burn it down.

-- Michael Marshall Smith, Only Forward

not the best composition ever,
but meaningful because it happened to her.
it's beautiful because of that :)


“Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids don't. Sure, Justin had qualified for his Junior de Sade Badge in his teaching methods for dealing with pain. We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.

Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - gradutaing, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expecations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.”

― Jim Butcher

Recklessness~

i really love this song...
it's so meaningful right now...
thank you to the voice in my head/man on the moon/dude with all the questions but no real answers/etc.
thank you for making me see~
i think i've reached that point in my life where i'm willing the world to throw me off the edge just to see if i can fly...
because thats how i used to think &i want to go back to then.
i'm sick of Now so Soon is going to be different...
better than Yesterday...

Battlefields trip ~ Activities Week 2011 :D

Day 1: Tuesday 12 June

wake up at approx. 2.30am!

arrived at school and sat in the coach for about 7 hours to get to Ieper, Belgium!

It was exciting in the coach

(no sarcasm intended)

and our bus driver was called Dave!

eg convo;

Adam: Oh, i bet our bus driver is called Dave!

Theo: Yeah! wouldn't that be so cool!

Bus driver: Hi everyone. My name is Dave

:O lol

anyways:

on the way to the chocolate shop

yum yum Belgian choc. :D

a pretty building in Ypres/Ieper!

"In Flanders Field" Museum

or just a church

Outside the choc shop.

The man gave us a "special" offer...

it was buy one and get another one free etc.

it probably wasn't special but just a way to sell chocolate to tourists...

lucky to be in my picture are people inc. amy, felicity, sofie, rhiannon, hayden (with his verrry trendy glasses xD), harriet and katy i think...

the logo of the shop :D and laura...

and the man who tried to give us a good deal

a scale model of the church/museum

and ciaran being King Kong ;)

haha he's a classic clown

(irish too... which somehow makes him worth fancying according to the wise owl??)

and kate!

thought i might just take a photo of the side to give it "depth"

there's toosey looking at it with interest :D

he wants to be an architect!

:O his patron saint can be st. louis!

The real building!

it's so beautiful!

just testing my camera ;)

or my bad phone camera...

because my camera died...

the way to the toilets xD

inside the museum and up the stairs:

a memorial to a selection of some of the towns and cities which were affected by the WWs?

im guessing because it didn't say and i'm applying my limited knowledge :D

an epic quote but i think it points in the wrong direction...

just slightly ;)

might just *accidentally* give someone the wrong idea about war..

:O it could give us the next afghanistan...

barbed wire and the weaponry etc.

mrs p was so proud of her coil barbed wire holder thing xD

she was showing it off to us on the monday prep.

speaking of monday prep. session, i must tell a story...

it will come at the end!

Dulce et Decorum est - Wilfred Owen

such an amazing poem...

thank you Mr Hunter for teaching it to us...

a model horse and such items from WW1

A sad story about a woman who had lost 3 of her 4 children or something...

she was saved by sailors, along with her last child...

and in the end, her last child died in an attack on the ship or something sad like that

a propaganda poster to entice young men full of life into giving theirs away...

a statue! i didn't get to read the inscription so unfortunately i cannot say who/what it is dedicated to :(

Paachendaele was one of the major battles of WW1

so basically very very important and Ms. Jones did teach us something about it but i don't remember anymore :(

I'm sorry i failed you miss!

but the quote really hits home...

scale model of trenches

inside the trenches...

this looks really luxurious compared to what it was actually like...

a cool poster from the gallery

amazing drawing from a schoolboy probably...

or a soldier who got bored...

that reminds me of seb's great-granddad's story

saved by a serial killer, killed by a bomb or something...

the rear end of the horse...

it's ass xD

get it ;) haha  im so "not funny" i crack myself up

we all got a character as we came into the museum to find out about them

this was mine!

even though im obviously not a boy but i don't think my teachers can see that...

=3="

picture of the guy

i'm so glad you can't shoot an unarmed man...

but the thing is, friendly fire existed

(i know... it's a stupid name right!?)

to be honest, it wasn't their fault for the war...

it was actually austro-hungary and serbia's faults...

more A-H's though

a stuffed dog which shows the use of them in the war...

for some reason, i don't sympathise so much with animal rights groups...

the classic Lord Kitchener thing but a cooler design!

if you looked up near the entrance there was a giant cylinder thing above your head..

as you walk under it, a booming voice starts speaking at you in random languages...

but that is a map of the spread of the war

i think...

i was too scared to stay much longer

faces on the cylinder - i think it shows the variety of the types of people affected

photo of a battlefield i think...

I think this is a visual metaphor...

about reaching through barriers to create peace :)

very inspiring!

the side view

other clay soldiers

hats and helmets from ww1

looks like a police hat..

actually think it is

furry hat!

like eskimos!

unfortunately, im not knowledgeable in hats...

looks like the hat that Kitchener was wearing...

beautiful painting

a scale model of a church

Kate: Oh look! It;s a church!

miki: :O well done (sarcasm)

Kate: I knew because there's a cross with a dude on it

miki: *facepalm*

i love that!

its so funny!

it's basically them saying to spit in the church and it's fine...

(i think... church people - clerics, etc - please don't wish bad fortune on me >.<)

remembrance day poppies!

fascinating stuff!

lots of articles, letters etc.

♪ It's a long way to Tipperary ♪

thisle's favourite bus journey song...

instructions to create her versions:

replace "Tipperary" with wherever your going to :)

most suitable for use on long journeys :D

H. G. Wells is a "true poet" as Allie Hamilton or whatever her name is (from The Notebook) might say :P

ancient weaving thing

Ms. Reay - my flute teacher has one and she uses it to make amazing carpet things!

Kate's character...

picture of the gal

exactly!

no war does! but people don't get it!

that's why the only peace you'll get is after you die...

Menin Gate Memorial scale model

my gosh.. the Belgians like their scale models dont they?? ;)

tribute to the lost...

(british only!)

and there's already about 70,000 names!

side view ;P

diagonal view?? xD

a jewish soldier...

our guide wanted to prove that there was more than christians fighting for britain

a poor young boy

he died aged just 15 :(

that's about my age...

i blame the propaganda...

not the germans

a british bunker for the medicine

john mccrae healed people in here and went on to write the infamous poem:

"In Flanders Fields"

the garden grounds by the commonwealth graves...

german mass graves....

it;s very sad to see the prejudice these people have against the german citizens..

they had nothing to do with starting the war...

they were meerly fighting for their own lives...

something about family crests or something probably...

the guide had quite a thick belgian accent...

a fuller picture of the memorial

statue people in the german graveyard...

it's really sinister and scary...

actually thought they were real to start off with...

the small slabs on the ground in the background are the mass graves...

one slab to about 20 people...

no idea what these crosses are for..

nice to see that people are visiting them and remembering them :)

why are they black?

is it to symbolise evil??

tree for thisle

and theo was disrespecting the germans by dancing happily

along their gravesides! :O

Tyne Cot Cemetary

it's really very sad :(

but at least these people were found

wider view

random people from the floyd walking to the entrance

inc. hayden with his chinos ;)

the cemetary from inside the cemetary ;)

a memorial within the cemetary

its ben!

the memorial

the sword pointing downwards is a sign of surrender supposedly

there are two of these "special" graves

they are the graves of German soldiers also found but i don't think they were identified...

these were to show the "non-prejudice"

ha! and i laugh!

look at the German mass graves...

annie's eye

this was when it started to rain

and my friends refused to let me out in the rain

even though it's lovely

because they said i would get ill :(

i guess theyre very caring?

but sometimes way too protective...

and anyways, i was checking my no zoom iphone camera..

i hit her in the face to take this pic... o.O poor annie :(

rain, rain, go away...

not that i don't like you...

a tree.

the view that one poor soldier gets...

but actually theyre probably facing the other way... :(

a memorial to the new zealanders

annie hugging a pillar ;)

every year on these trips she has to hug something strange...

year 7 - a tree

year 8 - a wall

year 9 - a pillar in a graveyard

o.O

common theme

you'll see many of these to come

this one was on the way out

and back to the coach ;)

a business man (jap. i think) hit me with his umbrella :(

Hill 60

a really bad name and a small crater...

but apparently belgium's finest...

creo que this is a shell casing or something...

excuse my spanish...

i know we were in a flemish-speaking country,

but frankly, i don't understand a word...

german bunker i think...

don't really remember this one

a snail at the trench place...

we had to experience the trenches :O

it was quite cool but my friends thought i was too chicken and tofu to let me do half of the stuff

=3= you killjoys...

im braver than you :P

windmill

we were literally talking about windmills like 5 mins before..

people said to me "there aren't any proper windmills anywhere unless you go to holland!"

look who was wrong ;)

just before going for dinner

theo posing with the cannon gunner thing

he wanted to show anson ;)

because they are now gay best friends xD

back at the hostel

after dinner, which was relatively yummy :)

and then ben, theo and seb tightened my coat's waist until it was like a corset

and then we went to see the Menin Gate Last Post Ceremony...

it was "very emotional" as some Belgians put it...

i didn't think so...

the bugler could have played better and more heartfelt music...

anyways this was a tree outside our window :O gasp!

(according to thisle, trees are paedophiles because most of them are older than us and they are always watching outside windows... which i hate to admit is true)

playing Jenga,

or just making fancy houses and stuff out of it.

on show is suzy's "church"

with jack, jay, harriet, callum, seb, suzy and annie!

close up of the church

(sorry it's sideways)

Day 2: Wednesday 13 June

woke up for breakfast at 8.

actually breakfast was at 8.

it only took me 5 minutes to get ready..

but stupid people who take ages to get ready woke me up at like 6 :O

and i naturally woke up when the sun rose and that was at like 3 o.O

anyways when to the Musee Somee 1916, in Albert

no idea why the place is called Albert...

i looked at my keyring after and i thought that i had bought it wrong from some dude who was so self-centred he sold keyrings with his name on it =-="

one of the maps of the somme

it was in the video room

but i didn't watch the video because it was telling us stupid stuff...

another map.

the museum was built in an underground shelter for air raids

it is like 300m long or something...

some artifacts found in the trenches

a gun taken 'specially for my little brother :D

a heart

annie wanted me to take a picture...

have no idea why...

she doesnt believe love exists =-=

left to right: British Tommy with his uniform, Frenchman and the newer uniform, Frenchman wearing the old uniform

see! the Tommies have always been smarter ;) not wearing bright red pants so the Germans can see you and blow their asses right off

a selection of handguns from the different countries :D

bullet casings and stuff (i think)

really need to work on my armed forces knowledge...

hats worn by tommies

hats again

shell art

it's what the soldiers did in the trenches when they got bored...

have no idea how they could get bored in a place where anyone could turn traitor and shoot them

but suit yourself ;)

it's amazing anyway!

really admire some of these

the flattened bullet ones are usually very nice

the windmill is a masterpiece...

it's such a shame that there isn't a name (ie. who made each)

because otherwise i could honour people here :(

a man's face made up of ww1 scenes

didn't realise until toosey said so

and then i realised..

it's because i was talking to annie and mrs marsden

they were saying that they didn't understand how anyone could want to know so much about such traumatic stuff etc.

annie especially surprised me with that.

heartless hippie annie.

oxymoron!

anyways they don't appreciate the strategy.

and the bravery of all the lads

gunners

in HQ preparing battle strategies and making bad decisions:

these are the donkeys who led the lions who fought the war

didn't get to see what this was

but annie wanted the picture because of the "asian at the back"

in the trenches

this picture is the result of a 15 minute argument between me and theo

the guy with a gas mask doesnt look like a monkey!

he looks like a tortoise or a snake...

or some reptilian creature!

and the dude at the back (if you can see)

looks like a beaver with the long teeth!

lots of shiny medals awarded to triumphant soldiers

there was one guy in the first cemetary we went to who got a posthumous victoria cross

that is the highest honour...

the batallion was retreating because they were losing but they needed some people to distract the enemy and hold them off...

this man volunteered by himself because he said he didn't want anyone else to get hurt.

he died in the attempt (which was successful)

and saved many men's lives, but losing his own :(

that is a hero!

more medals

medal curtesy of someone

and also, a scale model :)

again

medals

and a picture of a battalion

the dark part of the tunnel

we sent annie in first because we didn't know what was in there

but we heard bomb sounds

ignore seb's 3DS...

he started really annoying me this trip...

near the end of the tunnel

after we got out of the tunnel, there were some displays about influential people like the person who thought up the periscope.

we spent a while there and then had lunch in the gardens outside whilst boys were playing tag and i wanted to play with them...

so did annie, but supposedly girls shouldn't play it because boys like seeing girls running around...

especially with annie ;)

adam was also kind enough to lend me his jumper... which was extremely warm and didn't smell like cats *cough* theo *theo*

amazing building and graffiti...

in belgium they have epic graffiti artists :O

and also, at the top of this building (it wouldnt fit on my camera)

you can see the cross from the church behind (exactly at the point)

theo and the church

(btw, according to harriet, theo is jesus)

because he was born on december 27 in a barn..

however there is proof that jesus was born in july or the summer anyways

and i don't believe he was son of god if he even existed

so now theo doesn't really want to be jesus if i don't believe in him

lochnagar crater, france

one of the best :)

and actually better than hill 60 =3=

it's 300ft wide and 70ft deep :O

signpost

after a long walk round the crater itself in all it's entirety

took us forever and we had to go fetch annie off a path

and avoid the berries theo was trying to feed us...

they were meant to be poisonous but he was fine o.O

a cross to commemorate the lives lost

(still wearing adam's hoodie and still cold)

Thiepval - Memorial to the Missing of the Somme :(

it's really sad...

there's about 72,000 names still there

another scale model ;)

what is it with these Europeans??

half a board of missing people

one of them looked like hitler

the real thing :)

very impressive

recognise this?

so many people must visit here ;D

recognise this?? ;P

told you they would be a regular feature

the other side ;)

shows how lazy people are to just walk around the damn thing...

it's to pay respects to soldiers who died for them...

and went missing too :(

commonwealth graveyard...

inscription on the wall

the arch

it's very big

a french grave...

it's different

and we asked mr shake or whatever his name was about it...

he says it's probably because we had money to make fancy graves

because the french had their country destroyed by germans and tommies...

poor french :(

wider view

this was instead of attending the "seance" with all the other sad lunatics

the hole in the ground which was the german gunner's spot

this was in a middle of a massive field

split half way...

one side had rapeseed, the other half wheat...

the wheat wasn't ready to be harvested yet because it was too soft,

but the rapeseed was obviously ready because its seed had turned black already :P

and it doesn't make opium though it looks suspiciously like poppy seed ;P

i learnt more from dave than from the guide who was so boring o.O

memorial to the irish soldiers

theo and ciaran were very excited ;P

british flag!?

the building and chasing after toosey (right) etc

a plaque

plaque again

wonderful poem ;)

and seb's blurred face...

i couldn;t bear to see his face unblurred

line 2 with a wonderful painting

line 3

line 4

it took me ages to work out which was line 1 o.O

anyways whole poem:

HELEN'S TOWER HERE I STAND,

DOMINANT OVER SEA AND LAND

SONS' LOVE BUILT ME AND I HOLD

ULSTER'S LOVE IN LETTERED GOLD

(i think...)

Newfoundland Park and Beaumont Hamel

the Newfoundland Caribou

memorial to the Canadians

i love this so much

and the caribou is facing the enemy

being the germans

because canadians were commonwealth soldiers

all the names

and the poppy wreaths

wondering why some wreaths have more poppies

all the names (clearly)

and a solemn moment

the caribou (again)

i'm sorry >.<

i actually love it

anyways after, we dropped the guide off and went back to the hostel

theo wanted his nails painted

i think annie did a really bad job

starts losing his masculinity now :P

later, after my shower, i sat upstairs with theo, toosey and adam

while seb was doing his exercises without a shirt on...

the only person he was turning on was supposedly theo

i wanted to kill him...

but becky and people say that i have theo, seb and jack after me *rolls eyes* god help me...

and they were playing old men card games

and then louis came!

and we played 21 dirty dares

(also played dirty scrabble downstairs... i swear any game is good enough for them if it has the word dirty in)

and then it was really random and passed in a blur...

and then it was nearly time for sleeping and back to the room...

to have kate talking and singing to herself in her sleep

and chucking stuff at me from the top bunk

Day 3: Thursday 14 June

breakfast at 8 again...

and woke up later today but still too early...

once again, only took me 5 mins to get ready...

why do girls need so long!?

did the sheets and stuff and the teachers were proud of me ;)

pics taken for thisle whilst waiting...

because theo says the lion has a naruto headband or something

we went to Bellewaerde Park ;)

it was cold and wet because it was a water park

but i discovered that i can be scared of wheels??

but everyone admires my bravery because they know i hate rollercoasters because even i can doubt engineering and think the thing might fall

and i went of the rollercoasters and stayed on in a meditative state...

im so cool buddha like ;P yeah ;)

and then it was too cold so i borrowed ben's hoodie this time which was warm (see me wearing it below)

and theo borrowed my warm coat which was wet because he wanted to get wet...

and then had his cool nails ;)

and used my body spray and other embarassingly feminine things ;P

on the way out, we saw the sign saying:

<-- P  A

:O it won't leave us alone!

on the way back

getting bored so taking photos

and listening to swiftie and stuffs :P

whatever becky had :D

look at ben's jumper on me!

annie's green eyes

(supposedly also paedo)

she wanted to try a mr p photo...

but she'll never be as epic

and i agree with jack that she is a beach (mr bailey beach)

another one *rolls eyes*

teletubbies! in the eurotunnel

where i stopped being so mean to theo

becky and kate

who coincidentally didn't kill me the night before

theo!

why d'ya ruin the pic!?

theo raping lala

fake windmills

thilsana's homemade prezzies :P

one spoon as half of teresa's present on it (the ribbon)

because i hate her sometimes...

she hasn't actually been that bad..

might have been because shes on a different part of the world...

annie's dreadlocks

courtesy of theo and myself :D

in the eurotunnel

kate

kate and xanthe being weird...

actually most people are weird...

i went to the toilet and everyone followed me o.O

oh and theo wasn't wearing any shoes

for hippie reasons

and no idea why ciaran and laura didn't...

but they ended up with black feet

callum's crisp packet...

to show thisle the green monster...

theo being... well.. theo :P

miss kratt and mrs marsden

wonderful teachers

and mrs marsden is my amazing maths teacher

callum.. to get back at him for the pic he took of me and put on fb

i think it was horrible but everyone else says i look cute o.O

adam and theo doing stuff ;P

like on night one o.O

they didn't have to text me a play by play...

and annie and suzy

adam and theo :P

love the funny look ;)

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

27.07.11

anyways the story:

i made a new friend!

louis!

it all started when i called him lewis on purpose to annoy him and he didn't know how to respond cz no one can bug me without me letting them ;)

actually it was when he was being really funny in the prep. session

that boy never fails to make me laugh when i don't want to ;)

theo says its like how i make him feel??

but anyways...

found my 9w best friend!!

like thisle has mark ;)

now have to find tea one :P